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** **
** The Story of Polly Nomial **
** **
** Wherein it is related how that paragon of womanly virtue, young **
** Polly Nomial (our heroine) is accosted by that notorious villain Curly **
** Pi, and factored (oh, horror!). **
** **
** Once upon a time (1/t) pretty Polly Nomial was strolling across a **
** field of vectors when she came upon the boundary of a singularly large **
** matrix. Now Polly was convergent, and her mother had made it an **
** absolute condition that she never enter an array without her brackets **
** on. Polly, however, who had changed her variables that morning and was **
** feeling particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the basis **
** that it was insufficient, and made her way in amongst the complex **
** elements. Rows and columns closed in from all sides. Tangents **
** approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor. Quite suddenly, **
** two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a single point. She **
** oscillated violently, lost all sense of directrix, and went completely **
** divergent. As she reached a turning point, she tripped over a square **
** root that was protruding from the erf and plunged headlong down a steep **
** gradient. When she rounded off once more, she found herslef inverted, **
** apparently alone, in a non-euclidean space. **
** **
** She was being watched, however,. That smooth operator, Curly Pi **
** was lurking innerproduct. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear **
** coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face. He wondered, **
** was she still convergent. He decided to integrate improperly at once. **
** **
** Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and saw Curly **
** Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated. She could see at **
** once by his degenerate conic and dissipative terms that he was bent on **
** no good. **
** **
** "Arcsinh," she gasped. **
** **
** "Ho, ho," he said. "What a symmetric little asymptote you have. I **
** can see your angles have a lot of secs." **
** **
** "Oh sir," she protested, "keep away from me. I haven't got my **
** brackets on." **
** **
** "Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator. "Your fears **
** are purely imaginary." **
** **
** I, I she thought. Perhaps he's not normal but homologous. **
** **
** "What order are you?" the brute demanded. **
** **
** "Seventeen," replied Polly. **
** **
** Curly leered. "I suppose you've never been operated on." **
** **
** "Of course not!" Polly replied, quite properly. "I'm absolutely **
** convergent." **
** **
** "Come, come" said Curly. "Let's off to a decimal place I know and **
** I'll take you to the limit." **
** **
** "Never!" gasped Polly. **
** **
** "Abscissa!" he swore, using the vilest oath he knew. His patience **
** was gone. Coshing her oever the coefficient with a log until she was **
** powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He started at her **
** significant places, and began smoothing out her points of inflection. **
** Poor Polly. The algorithmic method was now her only hope. She felt his **
** hand tending toward her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would soon be **
** gone forever. **
** **
** There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator. Curly's **
** radius squared itself. Polly's loci quivered. He integrated by parts. **
** He integrated by partial fractions. After he cofactored, he performed **
** Runge-Kutta on her. The complex beast even went all the way around and **
** did a contour integration. Curly went on operating until he had **
** satisfied her hypothesis, then he exponentiated and became completely **
** orthogonal. **
** **
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